Role Model

The coming out narrative has served as the quintessential gendered life story for at least two decades, and people’s decisions to come out publicly have contributed to a growing acceptance of homosexuality during that period. I argue, though, that the coming out narrative has been mapped onto the conversion narrative, which casts the ‘closeted’ pre-conversion queer as cowardly and dishonest; only when she does her duty and shoulders the burden of announcing her desire to curious straight people does she join the ranks of the honest, the brave, and the saved. Jodie Foster’s 2013 ‘not-coming-out’ speech drew criticism and ridicule, not least because she tried to subvert the conventions of the narrative in ways that protected herself, capitalized on gains made by activism to which she had contributed nothing, and trivialized ‘outing,’ which still kills. I was one of the few who felt freed by her non-coming-out speech, and twelve years later, I acknowledge that some people feel betrayed while I felt liberated. Femmes like me are overrepresented on screen, yet I’ve struggled with belonging. By interrogating the structures that underlie the coming out story, as well as the assumptions we make about categories and majority groups, this essay reckons with the complexities of femme visibility, cisgender privilege, coming out, and belonging in the queer community.